Greg Matson

I Am Capable of Good

From a young age, I knew what addiction was and what it could do to a person. My father and grandparents were severe alcoholics from as far back as I can recall.  As a child I remember watching this group of lushes in the smoke-filled house doing what they felt was fun. Thank goodness, when I was three, my mother had enough of witnessing this lifestyle. She raised me as a single parent and I believe she did the best she could.

I was a rebellious child growing up, and looking back, I seemed to be prone to addiction. I ate when I was depressed, and I sometimes had uncontrollable anger which I don’t feel I could control. I went to stores and stole anything just to steal it.

My teenage years were somewhat normal but I felt like an outsider. I went to a small- town high school and at the age of 17, I believe that I was the only alcohol-dependent person in the school. I was also beginning to experiment with numerous drugs.

Which leads me to my twenties – when I was a full blown alcoholic, drug addict, thief, smoker, part time criminal, and a full time menace to society. By this time I was living in a small town in Nebraska where just like in high school, I was an outsider. This is a time in my life when I was out of control. I was taking chances that could cost me my life and quite honestly, I didn't care. My mother who tried so hard to get me away from addictive influences also noticed and reserved a plot at the cemetery where my great grandparents are buried.

March 15, 1998. This day is a day that will forever be a vivid memory for me. It’s a day that I think about daily. On this day, I was arrested for delivery of a controlled substance—two class 2 felonies. Relief had set in on this day. By this time I was pretty much homeless had no friends and nobody in my family trusted me, and some still don't to this day.

The next-to-last chapter of my addiction is where I met Greg (myself) – in the Nebraska State Penitentiary system, where I spent nearly the next 2.5 years of my life. This is where I learned what I was doing to the community, to my family, friends, and mainly to myself. I also learned that I was capable of both good and bad – and this is where I weighed the pros and cons of the lifestyle I was living and gave myself “new” options.

I was released September 13, 2000 at 9 in the morning. This is not the final chapter in my life as an addict, as I don't believe that there is a final chapter. I literally have to make a choice daily, and thanks to my wife and three kids, who have given me the ability and strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

*This story represents Greg's recovery journey as of 3/3/10.