Joan Swenson

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Joan Swenson

The Gift of Recovery

My name is Joan Swenson, and I am an alcoholic.  This is my very first thought whenever I introduce myself, mostly it sits in my mind and soul, unspoken, unless I am at a meeting.  But make no mistake about it, it is always there, right below the surface.

The way I found my way to recovery is quite frankly, unremarkable and not at all unique.  It happened December 19th, 2007, where after much pain both physical and emotional, I had what the big book calls a moment of clarity.  I could either continue on this path, lose everything that was of any importance to me, including my life (although that was not something of value to me at the time) or I could accept the fact that I was an alcoholic, become willing and take responsibility for my recovery. As you are reading this now, you know that I chose the path to recovery. That fact itself is a miracle in a long line of many miracles since that day. I went back into recovery and began the most wonderful, beautiful and powerful journey of my entire life.

I no longer resemble the hollow shell of a person that found herself battered and bruised by alcohol. Today, that fear that ran my life for so long is gone. I am able to look at myself in the mirror without having to look away in self-hatred. Today I know that I am worth saving and worth being loved. Today I am the wife and mother I wanted to be, but was incapable of being while I was drinking. Today I realize that this gift of recovery I hold in my hands is to be shared with others, for only by giving it away am I able to keep it.
None of this would have been possible without the grace of God, the fellowship of other people in recovery, my sponsor and the 12 steps.
I have rebuilt relationships, gone back to school to get my GED and now am enrolled in college - living a life that I could not have imagined possible before I got sober. Believe me when I say that I thank God everyday for this, for without him, none of this would even be. All of this and more has come to pass, and it only took a little bit of willingness.

*This story represents Joan's recovery journey as of 3/3/10.